


Insert Group Chat Name Here

by sugardevil



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Bisexuality, Canon Divergent, Comedy, Confessions, Crushes, F/M, Group Chat Fic, Homosexuality, Male-Female Friendship, Sexual Humor, Teenagers, Theyre all 15-17, chat fic, text speak, the steven and jeff thing is a joke. mostly, this is a chat fic except they actually talk like teens. dont know if thats a good thing or not lol, this is extremely cursed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:01:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21773557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugardevil/pseuds/sugardevil
Summary: I’m Gay: connie why didn’t u tell me ur friend is hot asfI’m Gay: like?? what the fuck hook me upSwordSlasher: LMAO WHATSwordSlasher: u mean steven???(or: Jeff, Peedee, and Connie are dumbass friends who end up talking about Steven.)
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Steven Universe/Jeff (onesided)
Comments: 75
Kudos: 300
Collections: Steven Universe Completed Recommended Reads





	Insert Group Chat Name Here

**Author's Note:**

> ok uhh if ur uncomfy with teens making jokes abt being thirsty then this fic isnt for u. also for the record steven isnt hot hes just a baby

**Little Nerd** changed their name to **I’m Gay**

**I’m Gay:** connie why didn’t u tell me ur friend is hot asf

 **I’m Gay:** like?? what the fuck hook me up

 **SwordSlasher:** LMAO WHAT

 **SwordSlasher:** u mean steven???

 **I’m Gay:** yea

 **I’m Gay:** like…..the last time u showed me a pic of him was 2 years ago?? And he looked like he was a Soft Boy (™) 

**I’m Gay:** and 5 years old

 **SwordSlasher:** Jeff pls

 **I’m Gay:** anyways he’s still that but also. He’s taller n cuter now and im gay 

**I’m Gay:** wait what if he’s straight…..aw fuck my dreams are already crushed damn

 **Fry:** oh my god jeff

 **SwordSlasher:** oh my god,,,,

 **Fry:** this is so fucking funny

 **SwordSlasher:** fr tho,,,steven’s attractive but akkjdkskkd

 **I’m Gay:** Peedee why do u laugh at my pain 

**Fry:** BC IT’S STEVEN??

 **Fry:** The dorkiest motherfucker ive ever met???

 **I’m Gay:** what abt ur brother

 **I’m Gay:** or connie

 **SwordSlasher:** why u gotta roast me 

**Fry:** oh 2nd dorkiest

 **Fry:** Connie’s number 3 

**SwordSlasher:** thanks 

**Fry:** yw

 **Fry:** anyways steven hot?????

 **I’m Gay:** YES STEVEN HOT 

**I’m Gay:** like...he has a cute face….and nice hair…and hes buff

 **I’m Gay:** he’s like clark kent. cute but u can see the muscles under him

 **SwordSlasher:** ok yea i get that

 **Fry:** ur right but 

**I’m Gay:** and his voice is sexy ngl

 **Fry:** JAKKDJJKSLSKS WHAT??? ON GOD???

 **I’m Gay:** YES SHUT UP

 **Fry:** Steven sexy….oh my god

 **Fry:** I’ve talked to him are you SURE

 **I’m Gay:** YES

 **Fry:** we all talked to him today Are you SURE

 **I’m Gay:** listen there’s like 50+ gay boys at our school but all of them arent my type...But this dude??oh my god 

**SwordSlasher:** Jeff u finding my best friend hot is so skkdlfjdsk

 **I’m Gay:** Yes ik it’s weird but i trust yall not to be freaky abt it 

**SwordSlasher:** awww

 **I’m Gay:** he can smash this puss tho

 **SwordSlasher:** JEFF PLEASE

 **Fry:** steven fucks i guess

 **SwordSlasher:** PEEDEE

 **I’m Gay:** ok we’re sorry

 **I’m Gay:** but u get my point. Met this bitch and he’s like all cute and shit. I cant deal with being a homo man i cant

 **SwordSlasher:** i feel that

 **SwordSlasher:** Saw a cute girl at school 2day and I tripped on my shoes

 **Fry:** yall are disaster gays 

**I’m Gay:** dont act like u arent too

 **SwordSlasher:** Bi but yes 

**I’m Gay:** WAIT FUCKG

 **I”m Gay:** SHIYHTFBNJ

 **I’m Gay:** LKMNFSHSKS FUCK

 **I”m Gay:** I REALLY AM A DISASTER GAY FUCK

 **Fry:** what’d u do

 **I’m Gay:** I. FORGOT I TOLD STEVEN I WAS GAY

 **SwordSlasher:** ok and?

 **I’m Gay:** first off that’s REALLY STUPID TO DO TO UR STRAIGHT CRUSH

 **SwordSlasher:** steven doesn’t have a homophobic bone in his body tho 

**I’m Gay:** Second i know i just asked and said he was straight. But im overanalyzing the whole interaction and??? i feel like he was checking me out?? Just a bit?

 **I’m Gay:** not the creepy kind tho just the general. U know. Face. i think

 **SwordSlasher:** REALLY

 **Fry:** YO FOR REAL???? ON GOD???

 **I’m Gay:** IDK

 **I’m Gay:** he’s nice so i’m like. Augjjhdjsk fuck. Maybe im just gay

 **Fry:** cursed info: Steven fucks

 **SwordSlasher:** I’m gonna go ask him 

**I’m Gay:** HwAT

 **I”m Gay:** CONNIE????\

 **I'm Gay:** CONNIE NO

 **Fry:** LMAO RIP

**SwordSlasher:** k I’m back

 **I’m Gay:** Bro i hate u

 **SwordSlasher:** love u too

 **SwordSlasher:** anyways i just asked and he’s likes. Everybody

 **I’m Gay:** Like the straight person everybody or

 **SwordSlasher:** no he literally didn’t know the label for it. He thought it was universal to be attracted 2 every1

 **SwordSlasher:** Boys, Girls, Nonbinary ppl,, whatever...i asked and he said u were pretty cute

 **I’m Gay:** FUCK YEAAAAAAAAA

 **I’m Gay:** also hes a himbo

 **SwordSlasher:** i

 **Fry:** I’m losing it

 **SwordSlasher:** oh my god stevens a himbo

 **SwordSlasher:** this revelation is shaking me to my fucking Core oh my god

 **SwordSlasher:** ok but he’s smart but like. Himbo energy. Im telling him

 **Fry:** F 

**I’m Gay:** U CANT JUST TELL SOMEONE THEYRE A HIMBO CONNIE

 **Fry:** yall have the most open relationship ever

 **SwordSlasher:** yea we do

 **SwordSlasher:** ok i did it 

**SwordSlasher:** [ _screenshot]_

_(SwordSlasher: Steven ur a himbo_

_StarBoy: w_

_StarBoy: why would u say something so accurate_

_StarBoy: also that implies I’m hot ;)))_

_SwordSlasher: you definitely are ( ˘ ³˘)♥_

_StarBoy: no u <3<3 all joking aside ty! ur also rlly pretty! And amazing (〃´∀｀〃)ε｀●) _

_SwordSlasher: I feel the same towards u! ur genuinely super handsome! and astounding)_

**Fry:**....are yall flirting 

**I’m Gay:** o sjit

 **I’m Gay:** Connie i would’be backed off if u told me yall were into each other….

 **I’m Gay:** I feel so guilty now omg

 **I’m Gay:** gonna delete the evidence that i was thirsty bye

 **SwordSlasher:** what

 **SwordSlasher:** that’s just how we talk??

 **Fry:** why dont u ever tell us we’re hot then

 **I’m Gay:** U CALLED HIM HANDSOME AND ASTOUNDING?? 

**I’m Gay:** and he called u pretty. and amazing. I cant compete :’((( damn...on to the next hoe

 **SwordSlasher:** we’re just best friends 

**SwordSlasher:** is that not what friends do?

 **Fry:** bruh noooooo

 **I’m Gay:** i mean sometimes??? b/c we dont discriminate

 **I’m Gay:** But he seems. Kind of into you 

**Fry:** Not 2 sound like a teenage drama but like. He’s into u. dont yall hold hands too

 **SwordSlasher:** Both of yall are shaking me to my core this friday night huh 

**SwordSlasher:**....wait do i like him too

 **SwordSlasher:** oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god\

 **SwordSlasher:** IS THAT WHAT THAT WAS???

 **Fry:** connie be like im gonna have a revelation that stevens a hot himbo whos im into 

**SwordSlasher:** IVE BEEN GETTING THIS FEELING AROUND HIM?? IT’S ALL SOFT AND GOOEY?? AND ?? DISGUSTING??? 

**I’m Gay:** BRUH

 **Fry:** lmao

 **SwordSlasher:** this is fucking whiplash. What the fuck. What the fuck

 **Fry:** F for Connie and Jeff

 **I’m Gay:** F

 **I’m Gay:** why me tho

 **SwordSlasher:** Jeff u started this whole thing. Ur the one who said he was hot. Now i cant stop thinking about it

 **SwordSlasher:** I thought finding ur friend attractive and wanting to kiss then was normal 

**Fry:** disaster bisexual connie

 **I’m Gay:** not my fault...bro go ask him out b4 i do

 **Fry:** would u really

 **I’m Gay:** half and half...like if he was checking me out we could just date and kiss until we ultimately realized we werent right for each other

 **I’m Gay:** but itd be a nice experience in our teen years. Later we’ll see each other in life and talk as acquaintances, while being happy for each other

 **Fry:** you read too many corny books

 **I’m Gay:** shush

 **I’m Gay:** OR i can be a pal and encourage connie. I wanna be a mean bitch but connies more important to me :((((

 **SwordSlasher:** awww

 **SwordSlasher:** I. might actually

 **SwordSlasher:** not even gonna lie i felt jealous when he said u were cute

 **SwordSlasher:** but then im like???why?? hes just a friend. ur my friend. now i know why 

**I'm Gay:** i couldnt tell holy shit...ur the ultimate bro connie

 **Fry:** this is the ultimate teen romance novel...im just sitting here

 **SwordSlasher:** I’m gonna tell him today

 **Fry:** wait what

 **Fry:** are you sure

 **I’m Gay:** ALREADY 

**SwordSlasher:** Yea I was just thinking about it and i’ve never been more sure about anything

 **SwordSlasher:** like. This feels so fast but ive known him for years so i just kinda wanna. Be blunt with him. If he doesn’t return the feelings then im super sure our friendship is strong enough to survive

 **Fry:** wow

 **I’m Gay:** awwwww 

**I’m Gay:** thats sweet 

**SwordSlasher:** anyways im having a crisis. Jeff im sorry for taking ur crush away from u 

**I’m Gay:** nahh its all good, no hard feelings! Im just like. This is literally the dumbest way u could realize u liked a dude

 **SwordSlasher:**...I’m in love with him actually

 **I’m Gay:** LMAOOOOOO DISASTER BI CONNIE

 **Fry:** WOW

 **SwordSlasher** : SHUT

 **SwordSlasher:** i feel so flustered now?? And dumb 

**SwordSlasher:** hwat if he doesnt like me back....

 **I’m Gay:** then hes a bitch and u have to cut his dick off

 **Fry:** LMFAO

 **Fry:** the wildest change of heart

 **SwordSlasher:** I am NOT doing that 

**SwordSlasher:** but im nervous. Still gonna do it tho. My anxiety is going batshit but u only die once 

**Fry:** i think he likes u personally

 **I’m Gay:** yea i think itll be ok...probably

 **SwordSlasher:** k im gonna call him 

**I’m Gay:** Good luckkkkk

  
**SwordSlasher:** So i have a boyfriend now :D

 **I’m Gay:** FUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Fry:** congrats!

 **SwordSlasher:** yall this literally is the dumbest way i could find out i loved him romantically

 **SwordSlasher:** Literally all yall had to do was point it out. My head is all over the place but like. Im super sure of this now

 **Fry:** lmfao ur welcome

 **I’m Gay:** yea dude...im just like how the hell did u not know

 **SwordSlasher:** im stupid with romace ok

 **SwordSlasher:** I literally invited him over even tho all of us Just Hung out. Hes still coming. He started to cry when I was talking bc i was being sweet or Something 

**Fry** : damn yall be like we’re straight now 

**SwordSlasher:** Shut Up

 **SwordSlasher:** i still like girls bitchygh 

**SwordSlasher:** and he was def checking out jeff 

**Fry:** a rhyme….

 **I’m Gay:** damn ur bf was checking me out…that means i can be his mistress

 **SwordSlasher:** if he was poly id allow it

 **I’m Gay:** Connie ur the chillest mf ever ilu

 **I'm Gay:** ive made those jokes n ppl just straight up blocked me

 **I’m Gay:** but im not gonna do that bc yall have more history

 **Fry:** F

 **I’m Gay:** Can we get a ship name for yall

 **SwordSlasher:** NO

 **SwordSlasher:** oh my god we’re not 12 anymore id die aljflss friend-shipping is over for me

 **Fry:** Conneven

 **I’m Gay:** ew no thats ugly

 **SwordSlasher:** noooooo

 **I’m Gay:** uhhhh Stevonnie?

 **SwordSlasher:** uh

 **SwordSlasher:** thats taken

 **I’m Gay:** What’s his last name then

 **Fry:** It’s Universe

 **I’m Gay:** Connie u have a whole ass magical boy as a bf what the hell 

**I’m Gay:** ur lucky :((( all i have is peedee

 **Fry:** damn cold 

**I’m Gay:** I DIDNT MEAN IT ILY 

**Fry:** aw ik 

**SwordSlasher:** lmfao yea stevens like. A dream actually. Hes taking a long time to come tho, im worried :((

 **Fry:** hahaha come 

**I’m Gay:** that means ur not doing it right 

**SwordSlasher:** huh?

 **SwordSlasher:** OH

 **SwordSlasher:** I HATE YALL 

**SwordSlasher:** WEVE BEEN DATING FOR HALF AN HOUR FUCK YALL

 **Fry:** LMFAO

 **I’m Gay:** no u love usssss

 **SwordSlasher:** ok ur right i do. But still 

**Fry:** hes going 2 ur house tho. Its like 10 rn 

**Fry:** plus hes hot 2 yall apparently so 

**I’m Gay:** get that dick connie

 **I'm Gay:** or pussy. i dont discriminate 

**SwordSlasher** : I hate u both so much oh my god 

**I'm Gay:** if u break my arm again know that i deserve it

 **SwordSlasher:** noooo i can threaten u nicely

 **I'm Gay:** ew r u into that?? gross

 **Fry:** damn connie i hope stevens into that too, for ur sake

 **SwordSlasher:** this is so cursed im sending it to him 

**I’m Gay:** NOOOOOOO

 **Fry:** NO 

**I’m Gay:** im gonna die. Dont kill us 

**Fry:** i actually have to look him in the eye while giving him fries connie pls

 **SwordSlasher:** its what u deserve 

**SwordSlasher:**

_(StarBoy: i missed the joke :’3 or the 'come' one_

_StarBoy: can u explain…_

_SwordSlasher: oh ok!_

_SwordSlasher: it was a sex joke, implying that by u coming over, we’re gonna have sex_

_SwordSlasher: come = cum, and cum = orgasm. Jeff’s joke was abt me doing a bad job at giving you sexual pleasure, since a constant and pleasurable stimulus is the only way to orgasm_

_StarBoy: o_

_StarBoy: OOOHHHHHH LMFAOO FUCK_

_StarBoy: hm that is very very embarrassing! gosh im flustered_

_SwordSlasher: ur cute_

_SwordSlasher: but me too lmfao)_

**Fry:** STEVEN SAYS FUCK????

 **SwordSlasher:** yea?? 

**SwordSlasher:** he just never curses irl 

**I’m Gay:** says fuck and gosh in the same set of texts 

**I’m Gay:** also he types like a soft boy....

 **SwordSlasher:** thats steven for u 

**SwordSlasher:** k hes gonna be here in a few minutes so if i disappear thats why 

**I'm Gay:** aw man...already leaving us for ur hot bf. understandable

 **Fry:** cannn you feeell the loveeee tonighhttt

 **I’m Gay:** use protectionnnn 

**SwordSlasher** : yall are weirdos ily 

**Fry:** we know, have fun!

 **I’m Gay:** byeee, ttyl

**Author's Note:**

> this is the worst thing ive ever written. its just a chat fic so all criticism is Null lmfao


End file.
